Several years ago, Twila and I became close friends with a couple of senior ladies. They quickly became our best friends… practically family. A few years into the friendship they asked us to be the executors of their wills. In friendship and ignorance of what was involved we, of course, said “Yes.”
Years passed without us giving it another thought as they continued to be a big part of our lives and family. The older of the two was dealing with Parkinson’s disease and as she aged into her late 80s it really began to take a toll. Eventually the younger of the two, now in her late 70s, retired for a second time to help care for her best friend.
Sadly, it was about this time the younger was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. All of a sudden they could no longer care for each other. They had a few friends but no one who could step up and care for them and there was little or no family. Over their 60+ year friendship, they had intertwined their legal friendship and lives for their long-term health and financial care… never thinking that both of them being seriously ill could happen at the same time.
Twila and I were raised that you take care of friends and family. One of our favorite sayings is, “You’re never wrong to do the right thing.” So, all of a sudden, we found ourselves medically, emotionally and financially responsible for our two friends. As you know, if you follow this column, Twila and I run two small businesses… mostly without extra staff… and have family on both sides we try to spend time with.
The new responsibility changed our personal lives in extremely stressful ways we never imagined and cost us tens of thousands of dollars in expenses and lost business income… as they say… “There are only so many hours in a day!” and we found this to be so true.
Sadly, our two friends are gone now… one passed last February and the other passed January 2 of this year. You can see our tribute to her in this issue of SOKY on page 25. They were two truly special ladies and great friends, and we will miss them terribly. But they were also teachers and would be happy if their experiences helped teach others how to avoid facing what they could have faced.
So many people have pointed out to us how lucky the “Old Girls,” as they were known to many, were that Twila and I were blessed enough to be able to step up and care for them as opposed to the government doing it. What a terrifying thought!
Twila and I have learned a lot during our time taking care of our friends. We have changed our wills and other legal documents regarding our care… especially if we get to the point where we can’t take care of ourselves. Thank God for our friends at ELPO Law and our estate attorney, who has helped us organize things for a better and safer future.
I hope you have stayed with me to this point because I know our friends would be happy to still be teaching and helping. If you are approaching your golden years or if you are responsible or likely to become responsible for someone as they age, I strongly urge you to meet with an estate attorney and get some guidance on how to set things up and how to plan for the issues you will face. It is challenging, to say the least, but with proper planning and guidance it doesn’t have to strain your life, income and relationships the way it did for us. Luckily, we were able to get help and get things under control before it was too late.
Our friends will be missed but if this little message helps make your and your loved ones’ future a happier, safer and healthier place then it was not all for nothing.
We’ll miss you both, dear friends – we love you!
