It is the beginning of yet another year and time for those “this is the year I finally become my best self” resolutions. I know that because it has been the same thing for many years. My fellow citizens must all do the same thing because the gyms all have full parking lots, veggie bins are nearly empty at the grocery, and the lines at the bank drive-thru must be people opening new savings accounts.
I’m not going to take cheap shots at my friends and business associates. You know what they say about folks who live in glass houses throwing stones. But let’s take a look at why this year I am just not bothering to make resolutions that become outdated more quickly than week-old bread.
One of what must be the most-made resolutions in the world has to be… get fit. Now, in all fairness, when your doctor and friend looks across the top of his glasses at you and says, “Lose some weight and get some exercise or you will likely be dead this time next year,” you tend to take it a bit more seriously than when you wife says, “Honey, want me to get you some of those jeans with the stretch waistline?” So, on this one I’ll give myself a passing grade. Over the past few years I’ve lost nearly 60 pounds, walk 10 to 15 miles a week… except when it is really cold or raining… and lift weights a few times a week. Thank God for interesting podcasts.
If you don’t have that level of success, just wear your workout clothes while you are sitting on the couch eating pizza and people will think you are carb-loading for your next marathon.
Another big resolution is to save money. You know… you make plans to cook all your meals at home, give up the $7-a-cup coffee and cancel all those free one-week trial video streaming subscriptions… some of them you’ve had longer than you’ve been married. Let’s face it… cooking is a lot of work… shopping, preparing, cooking, serving, cleaning up… all that must actually cost more than just eating out. And, if I don’t have that energy boost from my coffee, I won’t be as sharp at work and might get fired. As for all those subscriptions… I can’t remember the passwords to cancel them, and anyway I might miss the next season of that show I really liked but can’t remember the name of or even which one of those streaming services has it.
Maybe a good resolution for this year would be to learn something new. Let’s face it… you are either moving forward or moving backward in life… there is no standing still, and if you want to move forward it must come from new knowledge. So, let’s sign up for some online classes… maybe even buy some books… digital, of course… gotta save the trees and all. Maybe I’ll learn a new language… I remember a tiny bit of French from high school… actually what I remember were the two beautiful girls who sat at the desk in front of me… you know who you are! So, with a new online class maybe I would actually learn some French this time… “Bonjour,” “Merci,” and “Where is the bathroom?” Now I’m ready to travel to Paris. Or maybe I’ll just watch a video on how to fold a fitted sheet. That’s basically advanced origami and much more practical than conversational French. Sorry, ladies.
I actually think the important thing to learn this year is that if I bothered to make resolutions, I would not make ones that lead to perfection, and maybe worry more about making Tim a slightly better person and more helpful to the people I love. Maybe this year I’ll plan not to run a marathon unless I’m being chased by Bigfoot, I’ll eat more veggies… preferably on a Mellow Mushroom pizza, I’ll save money by not buying expensive water I won’t drink and healthy food that tastes worse than Bella the cat’s dry kibble, and I’ll learn something new like how to mute group chats that interest me less than discussions of the national debt.
If all else fails… one resolution that I learned years and years ago… thank you, Mom… is that if I can keep my sense of humor and not be afraid to laugh at myself, there is little this world can throw at me that I can’t survive. Happy New Year, friends. Here’s to a great 2026 without New Year’s Resolutions!
